Counselling & Coaching Process

So the first session in the couples counselling process might look like the following:

Firstly, i will listen and get clarity,

Secondly, i will identify the problems with an eye toward the solutions,

Thirdly, I will give an overview of the solution-focused process.

Any following sessions will be working on a step by step framework building practical skills for a better relationship.

A quick look at part of the framework is the following analogy based on the work of Dr Willard Harley:

Every person has an unseen emotional bank account. Every word and action between two people are either making a deposit or a withdrawal from that account. In marriage or within couples those transactions are happening constantly. Almost everyone at the beginning of their relationship makes mutual massive deposits into each other’s emotional accounts and very few withdrawals.

Using this analogy ‘Feelings of Romantic Love‘ are when couples have large deposits in each other’s emotional accounts. But over time, by not appreciating each other, disrespectful complaining and problem-solving skills. Disrespectful behavior, not doing the things they did originally to fall in love, and not realising there is an emotional account that needs to be considered. Couples find their mutual accounts depleted and often in overdraft.

How to do it?

We first would like to bring awareness to and stop any disrespectful words and actions. This is often like stopping bank account withdrawals. Next, we will introduce an awareness to the mutual meeting of emotional needs. These are the deposits that most of us were so good at making at the beginning.

Now the goal is to make them intentional and consistent.

Therefore, we create a respectful complaints process that avoids withdrawals.

Lastly, we develop mutually beneficial and respectful problem-solving skills that enhance deposits and eliminate withdrawals. It seems like this bank account idea or analogy can remove the fog like confusion of upset and frustration in the relationship.

The feelings of love follow the actions of love. Therefore there is plenty of hope for almost any marriage or relationship. Hence, with a practical framework of relationship solutions and following a personalised plan.

At the end, My goal is that you will once again be able to work together to problem solve, listen to each other, spend quality time together and return to an experience of loving and lasting relationship.